Monday, February 9, 2009

Putting the gay back in gAyBC

As we're all undoubtedly aware, ABC has been the slightly-hip/stylish/up-on-the-lingo PFLAG mom of network TV in recent years, earning it the adoration of many a 'mo and those in their periphery. 

So...where has all the gay gone in recent months? We need answers!

After cooking up some of my trademark conspiracy theories, including but not limited to the one I frequently use with my family to push just the right buttons--"blame it on the Democrats"'--, I finally got my answers. Well, more than answers. A late-night revelation of sorts. One of those that leads you to transcendent understanding of the beauty hidden in the syllables of your name, brings you to tears over the luxurious texture of your sheets, and affirms your fear you have a disease only Dr. House could cure. Oh..wait....the last part is mostly me.

Nevertheless, I realized that it wasn't the gay that had left ABC; the gays had left ABC. White Party season boys and girls! All of Hollywood's most influential gays had skipped town to migrate to Palm Springs for a weekend or three. 

Note: If you don't know what the White Party is, google it. My fingers grow weary at the idea of typing an explanation. 

So with the last of the brightly colored drinks and holiday family togetherness purged, the a-gays are back with a vengeance. Here's the recap of what went down on Sunday:

Brothers and Sisters crawled its way back to gayest show on (network TV). This week we meet the mythical boyfriend of Saul, whose name is Henry. Blah blah blah. Some great one liners from Saul and Kevin, typical B&S fare. Dilemma: should gay men go to baby showers? Answer: who the hell cares? 

More interesting this week was the Sally Field craziness. Without divulging too much for those who have yet to watch, it went down as follows: 1. Dramatic Sally Field moment, reading an announcement in this case. 2. Lifetime movie pan/zoom to an inch of the poor woman's nose. 3. Gasp! "He's married!!" 4. Commercial. Trademark Sally here. Here it is, portrayed/dissected by the Big Gay Sketch Show:

And on the Desperate Housewives front, nothing particularly dramatic. The gays save the day as usual on Wisteria Lane, while never quite managing to make it to full character status as did the painfully bad Applewhite family in Season 2. Whatevs. We're happy to see 'em back. 

And a message to Grey's: Calli playing quasi-lesbian does not make up for your lack of a token gay! Not even close. And Private Practice? At least Grey's is putting in a half-assed effort. Shame on you both. 

Well there's one mystery of the universe solved. Until next time world. 

UPDATE (2/10): Speaking of the gays, it seems T.R. Knight is on the way out of Grey's! Not that his character has provided any meaningful addition to the show for the last few seasons, but noteworthy nonetheless. Here's hoping shedding the dead weight of George and Izzie can get Grey's back up on its feet. 

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