Not so basic cable

Generally, or at least in my lifetime, most basic cable networks have been the unloved morass filling up those channels between the Big Three networks, and those fancy paid channels with the good shows. While much of it still is, (TNT and TBS continue to crank out mediocre dramas and comedies, respectively) some of these networks have been stepping up their original-series game. One such network, garnering my precious TV love and attention, is FX. Granted, some of their shows tend to push the limits in terms of content, but they’re offering up quality comedic and dramatic programming nonetheless. Here’s a breakdown of what they’ve got, and why it’s good.

Damages
Arguably the crown jewel, this is legal drama is about as far as you can get from Law & Order and its ilk. Less about courtroom proceedings, and more about how everyone you know just might be a backstabbing, manipulative tool out to get you. But in a good way! This is to say, it’s not boring. And with Lost-like cliffhangers, and tantalizing flash-forwards to the climax of the season (in this case, the end), it keeps me coming back for more. This season brings the welcome cast additions of the always-brilliant William Hurt and Marcia Gay Harden. Oh, and that guy who played Goodwin on Lost, and Darrell Hammond from SNL (yeah, that’s right, Bill Clinton) in a dramatic role, which I’m still trying to adjust to. Anyway, Glenn Close is as evil as ever—and still bitchin’ people out and orchestrating illegal-ish activities. And Rose Byrne’s character has grown even a backbone (thanks to devastating tragedy and a near-death experience) and is out for revenge. Things can only get more interesting from here.

Nip/Tuck
Just in case you’re short on your weekly dose of sex and crazy, the employees and friends of McNamara/Troy will be happy to dish it up. This show has had its ups and downs, but always keeps us guessing (and gasping and cringing) every week. The 5th season has brought a whole lotta tragedy, dysfunction, cast changes, and possibly the funniest recurring character, Jennifer Coolidge as Candy Richards. They'll keep the scandals comin', and we'll keep watching.

Rescue Me
Forget cop shows and their repetitive dramas, this firehouse comedy/drama (I refuse to use the word dramedy) is riotously funny. Denis Leary plays a (recovering) Irish-Catholic alcoholic with a capital-C crazy family—yeah, on the show too!—some of whom he’s related to. And he has a special knack for getting himself into the most ridiculous situations imaginable (like roofied and sexed up by his widow sister-in-law), inevitably created or exacerbated by the myriad of previously-mentioned insane characters. The best of Leary’s comedic talent minus some of the angry ranting neuroses of his stand-up.

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
If there’s a line, you can guarantee this show has crossed it…and made fun of it. Cannibalism? Check. Welfare abuse? Check. Inappropriate, offensive, juvenile, outrageous, and if you’re up for it…hilarious.

Cancelled, but still good...
Dirt
Apparently the rest of America disagreed, but I thought this show was quite entertaining. I guess it has something to do with wanting to see what goes on behind-the-scenes at those smutty celeb magazines I love so much. And featuring a loveable schizophrenic photographer with a talking kitten! But seriously, with an original concept, and the versatile Courtney Cox-Arquette at the helm, it’s unfortunate this one went under.

The Riches
As if Eddie Izzard and Minnie Driver, together, on television, weren’t enough, they starred in a drama about an identity-stealing “Irish Traveller” (gypsy) family who trade in their house on wheels (aka motor home) and last name (Malloy) for a cushy house in a gated community as the well-to-do Riches. He’s got his head in the clouds, she’s an ex-con drug addict, and they’ve got three kids (the youngest of which is a cross-dresser), and it makes for a lot of interesting shit. Lucky for you, all the episodes can be found at http://www.hulu.com/the-riches. It’ll be worth the time, I’d say.

Note from Mo: Curly and I disagree on the use of the world dramedy. I personally am quite affectionate towards it, and think it denotes a hybrid genre of TV that keeps scripted shows on the air (Desperate Housewives I'm looking at you...). 

Reality Roundup

Time for another installment of delicious reality TV!

This week's Real Housewives was just fabulous. Truly. Where to begin...

Gina moved her daughter Cara back to Berkeley this week and on the drive up from the O.C. learned that cows smell bad. See people? Life lessons are taught in travel. While up in the great smelly north, the girls went on a mom-daughter tour of the "zoo" as Gina referred to it. To you and me, the park filled with bums. Heartwarming stuff here. Put aside all the elitist crap, and Gina is actually a decent mother. Her son Colton was as nice and helpful to her with her first foray into dating as her other son Shane is an ass. 

Vicky went on a cruise for her life coaching service, Life with Vicky. I'm pretty sure its a cult. Later, she climbs the rock wall on the ship "for success!" You can't write this stuff. 

This week Gretchen is a gold-digging whore. Perhaps I should set up a Twitter to update when she vacillates between devoted wife and GDW. Anyway, she shipped Jeff back off to the hospital for a bit of reanimation and set off for Dallas for a girls weekend with her college pals. Inane conversation abounds and the jaw-dropping moment of the show: Gretchen thinks that Jeff can and will get her pregnant.

Tamra goes to Cedar Rapids for the long-awaited reunion with her dad. Don't feel bad here folks, I didn't know where Cedar Rapids was either. Turns out its Iowa. In the process she has her first experience with an American automobile as well as with a crack house. The show said it was flood damaged, but I've been around the block once or twice. Nice try Bravo. Creepy son flirts with old and distant relative at faux-Benihana. Yum. Later, Tamra hashes out long-standing family issues with her father on a cement island in what appeared to be a river. Classy.

Anybody else noticed the continually precarious state of Lynne's boobs? The wind must not blow much in her corner of the O.C. She can be forgiven for this though, as she has been too busy getting her head nice and deep in the sand. Best quote of the show (referring to her lush daughter): "I'm sure the cigarettes weren't hers. She was probably just carrying them for someone else". Flash to daughter saying oh ya they're totally mine. Wasn't there a Brady Bunch episode about this??

Otherwise, not much to report. Amazing Race is back and good as ever. This season there is a nice white trash couple named Linda and Steve who genuinely seem to love each other. But still...When they got to the end of this leg, our lovely host Phil Keoghan could not hide his distaste for them. Awkward Kathy Griffin fodder here folks. "Linda and Steve (turns head for breath), you are the nth team. Congratulations." What they didn't show was poor Phil high-tailing his cable-knit sweater out of dodge when he got that line out. 

Until next time, 

Mo

Discovered In My Travels

So the other day as I was lounging about the manse, setting up the basement TV for the second time in a month, I made an unfortunate discovery.

I went to NBC HD to test the signal, channel six-fifty...something on Comcast. Irrelevant with Tivo. Anyways, NBC's warmed over attempt at putting Knight Rider back on TV was playing. I'm gonna tell you a secret: watching footage of a firey plane crash would be far less painful.

In the brief time I was watching, Kitt drove through traffic-clogged LA at TOTALLY EPIC speeds with SERIOUSLY AWESOME amounts of CGI while a cop was chasing it...rather...him? I don't know here. Regardless, the bumbling cop crashed his motorcycle into something or other, big slide, lame. Totally probable you wouldn't die crashing a motorcycle into a stationary object at freeway speeds. Nevermind the fact that the cop was a real person, not a voice in a suit like a Power Ranger.

It's time to put this old beast out to pasture again.

P.S. TV.com user ratings have an average of 8.1 for this show, garnering it an appelation of "Great" and putting it in the company of shows such as Big Love and The Sopranos. HA!

Putting the gay back in gAyBC

As we're all undoubtedly aware, ABC has been the slightly-hip/stylish/up-on-the-lingo PFLAG mom of network TV in recent years, earning it the adoration of many a 'mo and those in their periphery. 

So...where has all the gay gone in recent months? We need answers!

After cooking up some of my trademark conspiracy theories, including but not limited to the one I frequently use with my family to push just the right buttons--"blame it on the Democrats"'--, I finally got my answers. Well, more than answers. A late-night revelation of sorts. One of those that leads you to transcendent understanding of the beauty hidden in the syllables of your name, brings you to tears over the luxurious texture of your sheets, and affirms your fear you have a disease only Dr. House could cure. Oh..wait....the last part is mostly me.

Nevertheless, I realized that it wasn't the gay that had left ABC; the gays had left ABC. White Party season boys and girls! All of Hollywood's most influential gays had skipped town to migrate to Palm Springs for a weekend or three. 

Note: If you don't know what the White Party is, google it. My fingers grow weary at the idea of typing an explanation. 

So with the last of the brightly colored drinks and holiday family togetherness purged, the a-gays are back with a vengeance. Here's the recap of what went down on Sunday:

Brothers and Sisters crawled its way back to gayest show on (network TV). This week we meet the mythical boyfriend of Saul, whose name is Henry. Blah blah blah. Some great one liners from Saul and Kevin, typical B&S fare. Dilemma: should gay men go to baby showers? Answer: who the hell cares? 

More interesting this week was the Sally Field craziness. Without divulging too much for those who have yet to watch, it went down as follows: 1. Dramatic Sally Field moment, reading an announcement in this case. 2. Lifetime movie pan/zoom to an inch of the poor woman's nose. 3. Gasp! "He's married!!" 4. Commercial. Trademark Sally here. Here it is, portrayed/dissected by the Big Gay Sketch Show:

Lesbian video from AfterEllen.com

And on the Desperate Housewives front, nothing particularly dramatic. The gays save the day as usual on Wisteria Lane, while never quite managing to make it to full character status as did the painfully bad Applewhite family in Season 2. Whatevs. We're happy to see 'em back. 

And a message to Grey's: Calli playing quasi-lesbian does not make up for your lack of a token gay! Not even close. And Private Practice? At least Grey's is putting in a half-assed effort. Shame on you both. 

Well there's one mystery of the universe solved. Until next time world. 

UPDATE (2/10): Speaking of the gays, it seems T.R. Knight is on the way out of Grey's! Not that his character has provided any meaningful addition to the show for the last few seasons, but noteworthy nonetheless. Here's hoping shedding the dead weight of George and Izzie can get Grey's back up on its feet. 

Put on your drinking hat, it's the Grammys!

Ah, the Grammys, a celebrity fun-fest, rating low on the importance scale (right below the Emmys), usually plagued by too much talking, or not enough awarding. This year it was the latter, but the excessive performances by boy bands to music legends, provided for lots of snark-fodder. And so we begin…

Probably the most interesting story of the Grammys was the absence of R&B power couple Chris Brown and Rihanna. Apparently CB went all ghetto on RiRi’s ass and smacked her around. Tsk tsk.

Moving on. I present to you, the one and only Whitney Houston. Yeah, the Grammy people dragged her out of whatever hole she’s been living in since the split, dressed her up in a nice dress, and pushed her out on stage. From the looks of it, she’s back on the crack people! Bobbaaaaay! She managed to keep it together enough to award best R&B album to a very deserving Jennifer Hudson. She’s been through a lot this year, so go her.

Cut to The Rock, whom we’re calling “Dwayne Johnson” now, I guess. It’s quite possible he wrote his three sad little jokes all by himself. But he seemed super excited to be there, so,

whatever. More bad jokes from Justin Timberlake, who flops sans-SNL, including the kicker:

JT: “It was called the general store, because it was
pretty…general”
Audience: *blink blink*
JT: “Bait...tackle...burgers.
Anyway…”

But, his falsetto wars with Rev. Al Green, backed up by Keith Urban and Boyz 2 Men (yep, still around)was a winner for being the last minute fill-in for Chris “Bitch-Slap” Brown.

Now to my favorite part, Chris Martin (introduced by that guy from The Mentalist, a shameless CBS plug) playing Lost+ at a funky painted piano, leading into the powerhouse Viva la Vida, and a win for Best Song. Yay!

That was the high point. So brace yourselves, it just gets worse from here.

Up comes Carrie Underwood in a whore-tastic little dress, singing about a one-night stand—Country is God’s music! Followed by Kid Rock...seriously people, how did he get a three-song medley?

Anyway, next was the highly-anticipated event mentioned in every Grammy ad, the “first ever” duet between tween favorites Miley Cyrus and her “best friend” Taylor Swift. They sang a cutsie little song about high school and being 15 (Miley would know about this because she spent 3 years of her life being 15). Taylor was sweet, and Miley was a little bit stagey, but she pulled out her Achy-Breaky twang and made it all better.

NOTE: This is where Alison Krauss and Robert Plant start sweeping the awards with their music no one under 30 has heard. Ok, so she’s talented, we know.

And now a special event, three things I learned from the J-Bros…

1. A boy band with instruments (yes, even the congos, middle Jonas) is still a boy band.
2. Being chastity-mongers doesn’t prevent you from being gay gay gay.
3. Little Jonas needs a refresher on the lyrics of Superstitious, and how to keep your cool when you forget them, especially before you perform with Stevie.

Oh, here’s a headline, I guess Blink 182 is back together. This predictable Grammy stunt had former adolescent males everywhere rejoicing. Although now they’re adults living in basements, keeping Blizzard financially secure.

Another good Chris Martin bit, after winning Rock Album of the Year, says: “We’re not the heaviest of rock bands, as you may have noticed. We’re more of a limestone kind of rock—a little softer, but just as charming.” And headed right back to his chair instead of the bowels of the stage.

Now I used to think there wasn't anything much worse than Katy Perry performing live, but the Grammys proved—there is. Katy Perry performing live, descending from the eaves in a giant glittery banana with an outfit and stage-props channeling Carmen Miranda, screeching her tired old song while half-assedly dancing and groping herself. 2008 is over, send her back where she came from.

And one more thing the JBros taught me…no one with a 3D Disney Movie in the works should ever win Best New Artist—so good thing Adele and her scary nails won. Black tips to match your black dress? I love her and her adorably British little self, but she needs to be referred to a new manicurist. And can somebody please tell Kanye nobody likes, or understands the purpose of his weird 80s haircut?

Next came another ‘headliner’ Paul McCartney and Dave Grohl from the Foo Fighters. Yeah, so everybody loves Paul McCartney and he’s still relevant, and talented, blah blah. We knew this. But it made for a good Jack Black joke: “Before the break we heard from a promising new bass player named McCartney. Remember that name people, he’s gonna be big.”

Then, even more shameless promotion of CBS, pimping the new, and likely inane show Gary, Unmarried by resurrecting Jay Mohr to introduce an act with Mr. Irrelevant, LL Cool J. T.I. tests the tape delay with 3 seconds of censored material, and then, everyone’s favorite part of every awards show *cough*, a message from the President of the Academy. The gist: Hey President Obama, remember when we gave you one of these gold gramophone statues...twice? Listen up. We need a cabinet position for the Secretary of the Arts.

After the final commercial break, Robert Plant rounds out the night by winning Album of the Year with Alison Krauss, and not only taking his time “thanking” well into the get-off-the-stage music, but inviting someone else to speak AFTER the music had started. Way to take us out, Bob.

Until next year (or the Oscars)…

The Real(ly Bad) Housewives of Orange County

Has anyone else noticed that this season of The Real Housewives of Orange Country has been less housewives and more Girls Gone Horribly Horribly Wrong? As of the last episode we find ourselves in the following posish:

--Jeana is divorced/separated/generally not together with her d-bag husband (who else thought this had already happened and the show had had the taste to gloss over it?) and not making any particular effort to get back on the horse. 

--Vicky is her crazy old bitch self. Part of me wonders if this isn't selective editing on Bravo's end. Regardless, I wonder how her long-suffering husband Don has found the will to not throw himself in front of a speeding Escalade. 

--Lynne wondered last week if her house had a/c and how she would look into the matter. I have no words for this, nor her stupid cuff bracelets in which she evidently puts much time and effort. Perhaps less time spent in that endeavor would yield favorable results in preventing her 18 year old daughter drinking and driving?

--Tamra remains one of the major reasons I still watch this show. Her dinner party was truly hilarious and I'm sure will go down as one of the highlights of this season. I like her and her take on things, but not her creep-ass son. 

--Gretchen: To be or not to be a gold-digging whore, that is the question on my mind at the moment. As soon as I choose a side, something changes that. More selective editing from Bravo? Possibly. But the scene with her, Jeff, and the kids eating breakfast was pitiful. He looked like they had exhumed him and brought him home as-is. Or as-was? 

This show, and I am consciously avoiding using a certain phrase here, is a mess. Right now, it's a mess in an ohmigoditssobadiloveitsomuch sorta way, but the producers are toeing a very fine line. This could go into Being Bobby Brown-town quicker than any of us realize. 

Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover...

We watch a lot of TV. I don't mean we spend hours every day clicking through the channels for something good on...that's just sad. We are hopelessly/emotionally/violently attached to several-- tens of!-- shows that we specifically make time for in our otherwise (mostly) productive lives. On a related note, we are slaves to the love-box that is the Tivo. We make (self-proclaimed) hilarious and incredibly insightful observations about shows, characters, storylines and actors. We laugh and guffaw, and enjoy ourselves, so we decided it would be a crime not to share this talent, er...knack...hobby...with others.

So feel free to enjoy, even if you don't watch some or any of the shows we do, or agree with our sweeping opinions, hopefully we can still shed some light, give you a laugh, or at least make you feel better about your own habits.

Kelsey

Blog virgin jitters

So this is to be my first post of my first (shared or otherwise) blog. Hopefully technical difficulties with my first "real" post won't spoil that distinction. I've thus-far resisted the urge to post because I find  many blogs self-indulgent and annoying, but I am willing to give this idea of a blog with a purpose a try.

Kelsey (Curly) and I (Mo) are two of the most pop-culture obsessed people I know. We rock out Trival Pursuit Pop Culture 2 DVD Edition. That name just rolls off the tongue and the keyboard, wow! Until now, we've only had each other and unsuspecting people in our lives on which to inflict our unsolicited opinions on movies, music, and (for the most part) TV. Whether or not anyone will actually read this is not a major concern of mine; it really is nice to just get these mountains of useless opinions out of my brain. 

We'll be trying to post together on shows we both watch, so the depth of our combined knowledge can go out and spread to the world at large. Enjoy!

Chad