Sweeping the Nation

Though our combined absence was actually due to Mo being South of the border, and Curly’s laziness/loneliness, we’re just gonna blame it all on February...er...March sweeps. Yes, it’s that time again. A few weeks later than usual, owing to the February 17th digital switchover, but it’s all the same to us. In technical terms sweeps refers to the four times a year Nielsen Media Research sends out surveys to households across the country to measure viewership in…blah blah blah. All we care about sweeps is that the networks blue-ball us for a week or so with repeats, then start whoring themselves out for ratings with new shows and ridiculous material on existing programs—extended episodes, plot twists, controversial topics, finales, etc. The dish…

Brothers & Sisters: A two hour special, hyped up by mid-Oscar commercials proclaiming “A BIRTH…A DEATH…” Fingers crossed it’s Tommy! (pretty sure it’s not)

Grey’s Anatomy: After two weeks of titillating (right) crossover episodes, Grey’s will be holding off till next Thursday, the 12th. They’ll continue to try and make us care again with the consequences from McD’s aneurysm snafu, and more ‘guess what illness is going to kill me like the ghost of my dead fiancée predicted’ with Izzie. Should be…uh…interesting. Or not.

Private Practice: Also off till next week, PP milks the seemingly never-ending Violet baby drama again. Who’s the baby daddy? Just tell us already so we can move on.

Desperate Housewives: You know it's going to be scandalous, and it's going to involve Bree/Orson. Let's leave it at that.

Survivor: Its existence is enough for the sweeps spike in ratings CBS needs, even after eighteen seasons. Go figure.

Nip/Tuck: Season finale, scandalous, shocking, yada yada.

Damages: Like this show needs any more plot twists. Business as usual.

Gossip Girl: Georgina (Michelle Trachtenberg) is back for more, are we excited? Maybe.

Life: A new case about a soldier in LA on leave, and (hopefully) some interesting/shocking info about the ongoing conspiracy.

Medium: More of me hating Allison (sorry), “conflicting evidence” (surprise, surprise), and a missing child (another shocker).

Lost: A whole new crash, a revealed murderer, resurrection, this show always knows how to (over)do it right.

The Office: Finally, a new episode! (March 5th) And with how this season is going, should be gReat. This episode is entitled “Blood Drive”…now think of 5 ways this could go wrong, and there you go, a preview.

The Bachelor: The finale, and a hot mess of an after-show. More on this to come.

Upcoming Series Premieres:
Castle (ABC) - March 9
Kings (NBC) - March 15
Better Off Ted (ABC) - March 18
Cupid (ABC) - March 24
In The Motherhood (ABC) - March 28
Unusuals (ABC) - April 8
Parks and Recreation (NBC) - April 9

NOTE: Because of the altered sweeps schedule, some shows will be repeats this week and next. Here’s a heads up.

Thursday, March 5 - Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, Smallville and Supernatural
Monday, March 9 - Gossip Girl and One Tree Hill
Tuesday, March 10, 17 & 24 - 90210
Tuesday, March 10 - NCIS, The Mentalist and Without a Trace
Wednesday, March 11 - Scrubs and Lost
Thursday, March 12 - My Name Is Earl
Monday, March 16 - Chuck, Heroes and Medium
Wednesday, April 1 - The New Adventures of Old Christine, Gary Unmarried, Criminal Minds and CSI: NY

Any shows we missed you wanna dish about? Let us know below…