The most wonderful time of the year

No, not Christmas. (Though my deepest Christmas wishes were fulfilled early - see #5)

It's awards season.

I'm aware that...

a. this is primarily a TV blog

b. the Emmys were way back in September, and

c. "awards season" is really just Oscar season

...so the subject of this post may seem irrelevant.

However, because I love awards shows, the Oscars in particular, I'm being indulgent. But perhaps most importantly, the little old Golden Globes are kind of the beginning of awards season (Oscar-lite/practice Oscars) and they happen to include awards for excellence in television. So although I could go on and on about many of the film nominees (the fact that I haven't even seen Up in the Air yet but am already totally behind it, the question of the deserved/undeserved hype surrounding Avatar and James Cameron in general and whether or not it/he deserved a nom) we're going to stick to more familiar territory for now, the television categories. If that wasn't enough explanation for you, feel free to depart. Moving on.

In case you've been living under a rock and haven't had a chance to glance over the nominations, or read one of the many nominee-by-nominee rundowns somewhere in the past week, the entire list can be found here.

Let's start from the top with Best Television Series - Drama. If you look closely at this one, I believe you'll find that "one of these things is not like the other things", if you know what I mean. It's been at least a year, if not two, since I stopped watching House, but I don't see any scenario where it belongs in a category with shows of this caliber (or one with Best at the beginning). Don't get me wrong, I love Hugh Laurie, and he's well-cast and entertaining in this role, but I have a hard time believing in that the year or so since I've watched, the show has gotten any less formulaic (Lupus? Sarcoidosis?), and thus, any better. Maybe the Best Actor nomination is deserved, I don't know. The rest of this category is pretty straight-forward, obvious, and accurate. And though Mad Men is basically the odds-on favorite for everything, I think Dexter may be on its heels in this case with a season that was initially uncertain, but taken as a whole, may be its best yet. So possibly some excitement here.

As for the Best Actor/Actress nominations for Drama, again mostly accurate. From the 1 1/2 episodes of CBS' semi-predictable The Mentalist I've watched with my grandparents I still don't know much about Simon Baker, but he seems to do well enough. And interesting to note in the Actress category, 3 of the 5 have already received this award. Perhaps it will be someone new this time around (fingers crossed for January Jones?)

Best Comedy Series, Actor/Actress and Supporting Actor/Actress after the jump...

Put on your drinking hat, it's the Grammys!

Ah, the Grammys, a celebrity fun-fest, rating low on the importance scale (right below the Emmys), usually plagued by too much talking, or not enough awarding. This year it was the latter, but the excessive performances by boy bands to music legends, provided for lots of snark-fodder. And so we begin…

Probably the most interesting story of the Grammys was the absence of R&B power couple Chris Brown and Rihanna. Apparently CB went all ghetto on RiRi’s ass and smacked her around. Tsk tsk.

Moving on. I present to you, the one and only Whitney Houston. Yeah, the Grammy people dragged her out of whatever hole she’s been living in since the split, dressed her up in a nice dress, and pushed her out on stage. From the looks of it, she’s back on the crack people! Bobbaaaaay! She managed to keep it together enough to award best R&B album to a very deserving Jennifer Hudson. She’s been through a lot this year, so go her.

Cut to The Rock, whom we’re calling “Dwayne Johnson” now, I guess. It’s quite possible he wrote his three sad little jokes all by himself. But he seemed super excited to be there, so,

whatever. More bad jokes from Justin Timberlake, who flops sans-SNL, including the kicker:

JT: “It was called the general store, because it was
pretty…general”
Audience: *blink blink*
JT: “Bait...tackle...burgers.
Anyway…”

But, his falsetto wars with Rev. Al Green, backed up by Keith Urban and Boyz 2 Men (yep, still around)was a winner for being the last minute fill-in for Chris “Bitch-Slap” Brown.

Now to my favorite part, Chris Martin (introduced by that guy from The Mentalist, a shameless CBS plug) playing Lost+ at a funky painted piano, leading into the powerhouse Viva la Vida, and a win for Best Song. Yay!

That was the high point. So brace yourselves, it just gets worse from here.

Up comes Carrie Underwood in a whore-tastic little dress, singing about a one-night stand—Country is God’s music! Followed by Kid Rock...seriously people, how did he get a three-song medley?

Anyway, next was the highly-anticipated event mentioned in every Grammy ad, the “first ever” duet between tween favorites Miley Cyrus and her “best friend” Taylor Swift. They sang a cutsie little song about high school and being 15 (Miley would know about this because she spent 3 years of her life being 15). Taylor was sweet, and Miley was a little bit stagey, but she pulled out her Achy-Breaky twang and made it all better.

NOTE: This is where Alison Krauss and Robert Plant start sweeping the awards with their music no one under 30 has heard. Ok, so she’s talented, we know.

And now a special event, three things I learned from the J-Bros…

1. A boy band with instruments (yes, even the congos, middle Jonas) is still a boy band.
2. Being chastity-mongers doesn’t prevent you from being gay gay gay.
3. Little Jonas needs a refresher on the lyrics of Superstitious, and how to keep your cool when you forget them, especially before you perform with Stevie.

Oh, here’s a headline, I guess Blink 182 is back together. This predictable Grammy stunt had former adolescent males everywhere rejoicing. Although now they’re adults living in basements, keeping Blizzard financially secure.

Another good Chris Martin bit, after winning Rock Album of the Year, says: “We’re not the heaviest of rock bands, as you may have noticed. We’re more of a limestone kind of rock—a little softer, but just as charming.” And headed right back to his chair instead of the bowels of the stage.

Now I used to think there wasn't anything much worse than Katy Perry performing live, but the Grammys proved—there is. Katy Perry performing live, descending from the eaves in a giant glittery banana with an outfit and stage-props channeling Carmen Miranda, screeching her tired old song while half-assedly dancing and groping herself. 2008 is over, send her back where she came from.

And one more thing the JBros taught me…no one with a 3D Disney Movie in the works should ever win Best New Artist—so good thing Adele and her scary nails won. Black tips to match your black dress? I love her and her adorably British little self, but she needs to be referred to a new manicurist. And can somebody please tell Kanye nobody likes, or understands the purpose of his weird 80s haircut?

Next came another ‘headliner’ Paul McCartney and Dave Grohl from the Foo Fighters. Yeah, so everybody loves Paul McCartney and he’s still relevant, and talented, blah blah. We knew this. But it made for a good Jack Black joke: “Before the break we heard from a promising new bass player named McCartney. Remember that name people, he’s gonna be big.”

Then, even more shameless promotion of CBS, pimping the new, and likely inane show Gary, Unmarried by resurrecting Jay Mohr to introduce an act with Mr. Irrelevant, LL Cool J. T.I. tests the tape delay with 3 seconds of censored material, and then, everyone’s favorite part of every awards show *cough*, a message from the President of the Academy. The gist: Hey President Obama, remember when we gave you one of these gold gramophone statues...twice? Listen up. We need a cabinet position for the Secretary of the Arts.

After the final commercial break, Robert Plant rounds out the night by winning Album of the Year with Alison Krauss, and not only taking his time “thanking” well into the get-off-the-stage music, but inviting someone else to speak AFTER the music had started. Way to take us out, Bob.

Until next year (or the Oscars)…